'I Stole My Dad's Morphine Tablets To Survive My Girlfriend's Birthday Present'


A few years ago I dodged a huge fight with my girlfriend because I almost had to cancel her birthday present.

My girlfriend is obsessed with The Hobbit/Lord Of The Rings. I suggested a movie marathon that was playing at our local cinema.

What my girlfriend didn't know is that my prostatitis hit a few weeks after I suggested sitting for twenty hours in a packed movie theatre.

I'd developed excruciating pain in my lower back and a full kind of feeling in my bladder if I sat down for too long. But I knew getting up to go to the toilet every ten minutes wasn't an option.

I stole some of my dad's knee-replacement morphine tablets and bought one of those portable urinal systems with a mini funnel. I strapped a 1-litre urine bag to my thigh and wore baggy pants to accommodate the funnel. When each movie finished I went to the disabled toilets to drain the bag and reset.

When the final movie finished I started crying from a combination of the morphine and the relief. 

My girlfriend thought I'd become a LOTR convert and still doesn't know the real reason for my tears. 

S. Harris, 29, Brighton, UK


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